Now, not only was I scared of having a panic attack.
But totally freaked out at thought of having another catatonic one.
This in itself triggered attacks.
I had to learn to control them. Going amongst a crowd in shops set them off.
Train travel. Sometimes I would have to get off train at very next stop. And just sit. Wait for next train.
Sometimes I would get to a point where I was so scared I would wet myself.
This was bad.
No googling In those days. Just books.
And panic attacks?
Never been heard of.
Everyone one thought you were either crazy. Or having a fit.
I started by a trial and error.
Once that was under control.
You concentrated on slowing down your heart rate.
I did this by focusing on a picture.
And repeating over and over.
” you are going to be ok”.
It started to work.
But panic attacks don’t give you warning signs.
They just hit you.
So you need to be ” aware” constantly of your breathing rate and your heart rate.
I’m ok now.
Living with them for over 40 yrs.
they can be controlled and overcome.
Hope this is helpful to someone out there.
Panic attacks is your minds reaction to being no longer able to cope with stress.
Your heart starts pounding. You get scared. The more scared you get. The worse your mind which is becoming like a jigsaw puzzle that’s been broken up in pieces and strewn about willy nilly gets confused. The pounding in your chest gets worse.
And sometimes you pass out.
In my case.
I have lived with them for more years than I care to remember.
But the worst was a CATATONIC one
This was a doozy.
I was at work.
Had morning tea. Sat at my desk.
I went into total silence.
No noise. Nothing.
My mind was wondering what I was doing.
Someone must have noticed I was just sitting, not moving.
What happened next I only heard and saw visually.
My body had frozen. I couldn’t move any part of it.
Couldn’t talk. Was just weird noises coming from my mouth.
Hands gripping chair.
They couldn’t unleash the grip on my chair.
I really wondered if I’d died and this was what it felt like.
Ambulance was called but in meantime someone had tipped brandy down my throat. 😧
Ambulance guys had to pick me up still attached to chair in sitting position. And carted me off to hospital.
Where they had no idea what was wrong or how to treat me.
Injected with Valium.
Hmm I can laugh now. But sure wasn’t funny at the time.
Valium and brandy.
Definitely not a good combination.
I felt like I was spinning on my chair so fast. I literally fell on the floor. Screaming.
But the chair and I had parted company.
So I was placed in hospital bed.
Apparently none of the doctors had ever experienced anyone having a catatonic panic attack ever.
They knocked me out with more drugs.
Nightmares. Horror. Rats clawing my face. Me screaming and clawing at my face trying to pull them off.
When I finally came out of this whole horrifying trip. I was shaky but ok.
And had hundreds of questions to answer cause I was a curiosity to the doctors.
Finally allowed to go home.
/>I’ll start this by saying I’m Spiritualistic rather than religious.
I’ve incorporated Buddhism. With do unto others.
It works for me.
Recently I was selected for a card reading from a gifted Reiki Healer.
It was emailed half a world away.
To say it was accurate beyond belief is an understatement.
Then I was up quite earlier than usual one morning and inadvertently tuned into a global healing.
Over 1000 healers world wide sent healing at the same time.
I say inadvertently. I’d forgotten about it.
A bird I didn’t recognise flew into back patio. Landed right beside me.
Ummm. I was stunned. Thought if I moved it would fly away.
I raised my phone took a photo. It looked straight at the camera.
I checked bottom of camera.
Yes got photo.
Bird finished singing. Flew off.
Wow. That was definitely strange. But. 😏
I sent photo to friend. With heading. No fear. Lol.
Continue reading On being an empath.
I was sent a video.
From u tube.
If u feel so inclined google. Watch it.
But the impact it had on me was staggering.
Probably because I was so ” open ” when I watched this, I was drawn into the mind through his eyes. His mind.
They mesmerised me.
I literally felt the hatred. The anger, disgust and disdain of all humans.
His desire to rip them apart and torture them.
Like they’d done to him.
I screamed. ( lucky I was home alone)
Tears flooded out. The pain was unbelievable.
Couldn’t escape from his grip on my mind.
Then a healer started communicating with him.
He became wary. Amused.
He released his grip on me slightly.
His focus had shifted to the healer.
I felt the shift. In his attitude.
In this human.
Most of video relays information shared between them.
She explained why he was there.
Why he was ” enclosed in a high fence.
And understood when she told him it was more for his safety than humans.
Guns he understood.
He relaxed a bit. Resigned himself to being there.
Allowed to roam free. But not to hunt.
It was a rehab animal rescue reserve.
That he respected.
When he finally released his grip on my mind.
His parting thoughts were. ” you have powers. They were given to u. Use them to make a difference. Stop being such and coward”!!
And ” spat” me out.
I spent rest of day in tears. And agony.
This experience has changed me as a person.
As this is my first attempt at blogging. I researched a fair bit of advice.
Lot of ” do’s and dont’s'”
All I want to do is share a few of my life experiences which are slightly unreal I guess. But real enough to me.
Because they happened to me.
And if I step on anyone’s toes or am disrespectful regarding certain topics.
They are just my own experience and opinion.
I’m in no way shape or form trying to poo poo anyone else’s beliefs or whatever.
I’ve been waiting forever for “Scotty to BEAM ME UP !!
To Pandora, be a Na’vi, blue, ten feet tall and long tail.
AND FLY A DRAGON!!
How awesome that would be, soar through the skies on such a mythical creation.
Commune with Mother Earth, be at one with nature.
We all have dreams, fantasies, whatever they may be.
I’m realistic enough to know mine will probably never happen in this lifetime, but ( big sigh ) who knows, maybe in the next one?